Sticks and Stones

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

It’s a comment we have all heard or made at some time in our lives.

Sometimes however, our opinions lean more towards judgement or criticism …………………………………...

No one likes to be criticised. Being critical however, is as much a part of our psyche as breathing, and we are all guilty of it at some time or another. For people in the public eye, it’s worse. Take the TV show, “Britain’s Got Talent” for example; I don’t watch this, but from what I’ve heard, it turns even the mildest mannered person into an expert arm chair critic. Opinions are freely given and obviously, their son/daughter/second cousin twice removed could do better. 

Of course, in this context, it is nothing more than a bit of harmless fun, and the people involved can’t hear what’s being said. However, there are many places where people’s opinions cause hurt and confusion, and that is quite another matter.

Last night, I was searching for some information regarding a certain diet (I blame the French bread and the all-too-delicious-soft-cheese). I discovered a forum, which I thought might offer some useful information. However, my interest turned to shock as I read some of the comments therein. It seemed that some people had joined the forum, not to discuss diets or healthy eating, but to use it as a platform for their unwelcome opinions. One man in particular, seemed to be the commander in chief of unpleasant remarks. He was quick to point out that “he was not overweight”, but then posted multiple derogatory comments in regard to people who were.

The comments he made were not only downright rude, but breathtakingly arrogant and at times abusive. Clearly the man had issues. Of course, his diatribe provoked several angry responses, which only served to throw fuel on the fire, and so the arguments were prolonged and wasted pages and pages of space.

I left the forum without one useful piece of information, and with a feeling of huge sadness. Why do some among us, feel the need to criticise other people so harshly, often people we have never even met? Yes, we ARE all entitled to an opinion, and I am in favour of free speech, but this ……….. L

Facebook is another classic example. Visit any group, whether it’s a buying and selling site, a cookery site, or a dog lover’s forum. You will quickly identify the protagonists. You know they type of person I mean. They are the ones, who feel the need to comment on everybody else’s posts. They know everything, and make corrections freely; oh and God forbid if you should spell something wrong. You could be forgiven for thinking they were the site administrator! Their opinion is the only correct one, and you are left demoralised and wondering if it’s even worth being part of the group.

A good friend of mine said recently, “Some people would argue with their own reflection”. True.

So why am I telling you this? Well, as someone who has made a new career as an author, I find I am (more than ever) the subject of people’s opinions, or more to the point my books are. My debut novel, Known to Social Services was the number one social work book on Amazon UK – a fantastic achievement, and one, which took me completely by surprise.  I have had some extremely positive and encouraging reviews, and of course, some not so positive. This is to be expected, but the real test for me was dealing with critical comments.

Woohoo, my book went to #1 in the social work book category

Anyone can post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or on any other literary forum.  Authors have no control over the reviews, and even if you suspect it is someone you know who is “out to get you” so to speak, there is nothing you can do about it. The temptation to respond however, is almost overwhelming.

People who make unkind or abusive comments on the internet are commonly known as “trolls”. Another very wise friend of mine and fellow author (thanks cowboy) gave me an invaluable piece of advice, he said, Freya, “Never, ever talk to the trolls”.

Don't talk to the trolls 

I took this advice to heart and accept that everyone IS entitled to their own opinion, and even if it is one I don’t agree with, I can simply acknowledge that it is their opinion and move on with my day. I do not need to get into a debate with them, as this rarely ends well, as my brief foray onto the diet forum has demonstrated.

I overcome the critical comments, which I am happy to report are in the minority by focusing on the positives. My husband Steve, ever my champion, asked me a few days ago, “How does it feel to know that someone, somewhere is reading your book”. His question made me reflect on some of the great feedback I have had from the people who have read and enjoyed it.

So many positive experiences, like this one at BBC Radio Lincolnshire with Melvyn Prior

Known to Social Services was written for many reasons. One of the reasons was to raise the profile of social workers, and to make people aware of how difficult a job it is. Some of my most rewarding comments have been from student social workers, for example, this one from N.A.

Gripping book; would definitely recommend. As a social work student this book gave a fantastic insight of social work practice in child protection!! I'm hoping there will be another instalment (Source; Amazon UK)

To know that my writing made a positive difference to someone who is making social work her career was a wonderful feeling.

Or, the one from the lady who hooked up with me via Twitter and said,

Travelled through France last April started your book in the French Alps. Finished it by Calais. Great read (SJ)

Just thinking about this lady reading my book on her holiday travels, left me content and smiling.

Criticism, can be valuable, if it is constructive, kindly delivered and genuinely meant. Anything other than this is not worth giving your time to.

We will always have the nay sayers among us, but we don’t have to listen to them.

I hope those of you who have been the victims of criticism in your lives, can find a way to overcome, and focus on the positives.

Remember …….don’t talk to the trolls, and never, EVER, feed them J

Known to Social Services is available via Amazon as a paperback or Kindle download.

My debut novel

My 2^nd novel, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? Will be available in July.

Both books are published by Faraxa Books.

Freya 

Fair Exchange?

As many of you are aware, I am a qualified social worker. During my career, I specialised in child protection, which is an extremely stressful environment to work in for any length of time. 

In 2013, with the support of my husband Steve, I decided to take a year out of social work to write my debut novel, Known to Social Services, which was published by Faraxa Books in February this year. The decision was not taken lightly, but, I am happy to report, it worked out as planned. At the time Steve and I lived in Gozo, but have more recently moved to the Midi-Pyrenean region of France. As I explained in my last blog, we are here to offer practical support with DIY (Steve) and horses (me) in exchange for living in a delightful little cottage in the middle of nowhere. It also gives me space and time to continue writing.  So the “year” I was taking out of social work, seems to be creeping up to 2 years J

Our lovely cottage, complete with regular visitor, Grolsch the German Shepherd







As I walked down to the horses this morning in the warm sunshine, I realised that it was precisely 8am. If I were still working as a social worker, I would, by now, be at my desk in an office. Usually, an office that had inadequate heat and ventilation, which resulted in volcanic temperatures in summer, and freezing cold in winter.

I would be on my 2^nd cup of coffee and no doubt my 43^rd email. I would already be feeling the stress of the day ahead, and wondering how I would fit in, all the visits, write the reports and make time to read the electronic files on the 6 new cases I had been given yesterday.

There would be meetings to organise, others to attend, and a host of other things to be done before the clock said 5pm and the office officially closed for the day. Then, I would remain at work until around 7pm catching up on all the things, which did not get done during working hours. It would not be unusual for the cleaners to throw me out! In social work you must expect the unexpected; the children who go missing, the husband who beats his wife to the point of hospitalisation, leaving their children requiring foster care. The child who cannot go home from school; as today is the day they managed to pluck up the courage to tell a teacher what is really going on at home. One of a hundred things can intrude on an already impossibly busy day, to the point that you realise there will never be enough hours, hence the late night working.

Walking down the grassy lane to the horses, I realised that I have made some exceedingly positive adjustments in my life. I have exchanged dodging traffic jams for dodging the spider’s webs as they tremble in the hedges and trees. I have swopped the hours I spent staring at a computer screen, or dashing around making visits, for time spent feeding, grooming and riding the horses.  

Down the lane to the horses









I have uninterrupted time to think and to write and to appreciate what we have, which is much. While we miss all our friends in Gozo and our families elsewhere, we feel we are in exactly the right place.

Sunshine through the trees







There are of course other changes, which on the surface, may not seem so wise. I gave up a good income and the economic stability, which accompanies it, to embark on this new life and at times I will admit, I feel a slight panic in this regard. However, on reflection, all the clichés that we hear, and quote to one another have never seemed more apt.

-      Life is too short

-      You only live once

-      There’s no substitute for your health

-      If not now, then when?

-      It’s not worth the stress

When I left social work, I had a few comments from my colleagues, which in essence, took one of two views …..

-      It’s alright for some
- Good for you

My answer remains the same now as it did then. It all comes down to choices. We all have choices, though they often involve taking risks.

I can recall being told at 4 years of age that I was a “risk taker”. I had no idea what it meant at the time but I had apparently been on a high slide, which my older brother declined to go on.

Having taken the risk to leave a well paid job, move overseas and try my hand as an author, I can say with absolute honesty; I have no regrets whatsoever. How about you?

No regrets in moving here









Now, where’s my croissant J

Freya

NEW book, ..... Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? ...... coming soon.

I am sat outside reading my book, when I pause and just listen. There is a peace I have not known for several years.  All I can hear in the warm Midi-Pyrenean sunshine is the drowsy buzzing of the ever-industrious bees, and the song of a bird, as yet unidentified. Blossoms drift by me like snowflakes, landing softly as if to remind me of their gentleness in passing. Not since I lived in the Derbyshire Peak District, have I felt such an affinity with nature and the countryside and I close my eyes and appreciate it, drinking it in like a fine wine.

The view from the top of our drive

Overhead a buzzard soars lazily on the hot currents of air, which dispense with any need for him to flap his wings. A flash of blue, betrays the jay, which lands in the cherry tree across the lane and begins to pick off the ripening fruit, before anyone else has a chance to taste it. There is a surprise visit from a normally nocturnal bat, flitting uncharacteristically in and out of the garage in broad daylight. I duck instinctively as he flies noiselessly past me; I would not react well were he to become entangled in my hair!

Sat on the stoop in France in my turn up jeans, which for some reason, Steve finds amusing!










You may be aware that up until May 2015, Steve and I lived on the beautiful Mediterranean island of Gozo, which is part of the Maltese archipelago. We lived here for more than four happy years and made many lifelong friends there. Our decision to leave Gozo was not taken lightly and when the day of our departure finally arrived, I found myself wanting to cling to the familiarity of it; to change my mind and stay. However, we knew that there were new adventures awaiting us, and so with heavy hearts, we said our goodbyes. We were leaving all the richer, with a store of wonderful memories embedded in our souls. Many of our dear friends came to the Gozo ferry to wave us off, or to make the 25 minute journey to Malta with us one last time. Unsurprisingly, there were copious tears and great sadness mixed with the joy we had known in living here. 

It was not easy leaving this behind - me in Gozo

Steve and I are now living about an hour North of Toulouse, nestled in a tiny hamlet between the towns of Moissac and Valence D’Agen. We have come here with a dual purpose; several months ago, I responded to a request for support via a housesitting website. Help was needed with six horses, and also with DIY around the place. With my background of equestrianism, and Steve’s unarguable skill with all things practical, it seemed ideal. As a bonus, there are three lovely dogs and a handful of chickens! Our new friends, Polly and Howard are a British couple who have embraced the French way of life here for over 20 years. We are delighted to be here in such a mutually beneficially exchange.  Polly is a supplier of the super comfortable “Trekker” saddles and Howard is in demand as a bare foot horse trimmer.

Me riding "Bear" in a fabulous Trekker Saddle

Steve's DIY project, or should I say life's work! Converting the barn

Steve and I have our own delightful little cottage, which will serve us well as a base, from which to explore France, and also to fulfil the second part of our reason for being here, which is to write.

Our lovely cottage

Overlooking the river in Auvillar

And of course, there is always time for coffee 

Life has been somewhat of a whirlwind since my debut novel, Known to Social Services, was released in February this year. The book became the number one social work book on Amazon UK within two days of its release and the publishers, Faraxa Books, and I worked hard on promoting it; organising book signings, radio interviews, visits to UK Universities and more. It has been and continues to be, an exciting time and I remain grateful to all our friends and family who have been so encouraging and supportive. However, as any author will tell you, more books need to follow, and so to France.

My successful debut novel, Known to Social Services, published by Faraxa Books

We now feel in the ideal place for me to continue writing the sequel to Known to Social Services, which, I am very happy to report, is being requested regularly. I know I shall have to be very self-disciplined in working on the sequel, as it would be too easy to settle into this laid back lifestyle, and do nothing more than ride the horses, fuss the dogs and eat baguettes with good French cheese!

This is Grolsch, our regular house guest ..... nothing to do with the food of course

Steve searching for his lost euro in Lauzerte

GREAT NEWS .... NEW BOOK
However, the great news is, that before I can settle down to work in earnest on my sequel, I have another book of a different kind, due for release in July 2015. When Steve and I moved to Gozo from the UK, I recorded our exploits as a blog. After receiving great encouragement from people all around the world who had read it, I decided to shape it into a book.  As with my debut novel, I had the support of Faraxa Books in publishing the work. You will be able to read all about our reasons for leaving the UK and discover why we chose Gozo – which if I’m totally honest, I lived in ignorance of, prior to 2008.

Beautiful Gozo








The book is entitled, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener?

The book asks the question, “Is the Grass Greener?” not only in relation to our move to another country, but also in our relationship with each other. Steve and I have both been married before and I take time to reflect on this, and on how we met, within the narrative. For dog lovers, there are many anecdotes in regard to our 2 wonderful and now sadly missed lurchers, Ollie and Ralph. Add to this, may tales of our lives in Gozo, and you have a book which I am confident will have wide appeal for many people. I have aimed to strike a balance between what I hope is some, laugh out loud humour, and more sombre stories – and I warn you ……. you may need your hankie for one or two of them!

Our lovely lurchers, Ollie and Ralph







I am very pleased to report that the talented Michael Martin illustrated the book cover. Working from an abstract idea, which I had in mind, Michael has captured exactly the scenario I envisioned for the book cover, and I cannot wait to unveil it J Michael is currently, the illustrator of Alex Graham’s Fred Basset cartoons, which I read avidly as a child.

I will, of course, continue to promote Known to Social Services, and I am delighted to report that on a recent visit to a lovely couple who had some items of interest for sale, I was able to sign the lady’s newly purchased copy of Known to Social Services. The first signed copy in France to my knowledge!

In the beautiful sunshine of France with Hazel and her signed copy of Known to Social Services.

Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? Will be available in July 2015 and is published by Faraxa Books.

Freya

Known to Social Services; Changing People's Views on Social Work

My debut novel, Known to Social Services, continues to provoke comment and discussion, the vast majority of which, I am pleased to say, is positive. I am particularly happy about this, as one of the motivators for writing the book was to raise the profile of social workers and allow the general public a glimpse into the day-to-day life of a social worker.  Many readers have told me that they had “no idea” what social workers really did until they read Known to Social Services. 

Often stereotyped and negatively portrayed, especially in the media; most people’s idea of a social worker is a female in a flowing kaftan, dangly earrings and sandals who is doling out tea and sympathy in a totally ineffective manner. Alternatively, we are seen as spiky haired, judgemental busybodies who have no people skills, but who simply breeze in and out of people’s lives, snatching children away from their parents as they go.  Male social workers are outnumbered by their female counterparts, but do not escape; they are seen as tweed wearing individuals with leather elbow patches, who might even smoke a pipe. They are foggy in their thinking and faltering and hesitant when it comes to taking action.

I am extremely satisfied to learn that Known to Social Services, has in some small way, set the record straight in this regard. Some readers, who have been literally wide eyed with incredulity on having finished the book have told me that they “take their hats off to social workers if this is what it’s really like”, and it is …… ask any social worker.

On a more serious note, I was approached at a book signing by a worried student of social work who had read the book. She asked me, “Is it really like this?” I had to be honest and tell her that while I had brought together many “worst case scenarios”, the job of child protection, was in fact, pretty much like the book. She thought for a moment before telling me, “Then I think I’m going into the wrong job”. Far from being horrified to think that Known to Social Services had ruined this poor young woman’s career choice, I was of the view that it was better to find out early in her training, rather than embarking on a job, which she herself did not feel able to do. Many newly qualified social workers, me included, have found themselves totally unprepared for the reality of the job. I firmly believe, that alongside all the theory books and the practical placements, there is great value in works of fact-based fiction such as Known to Social Services.

I am aware that Known to Social Services has been, or is going to be, read in several social work book groups. This is a great honour, and I hope that students and qualified social workers alike can benefit from the experiences, which are told in narrative in the book.

A recent article by the Northern Ireland Social Care Council endorsed the use of social work book groups. The full article can be found by following the link below.

http://www.niscc.info/index.php/news/8-news/294-social-work-book-groups-are-useful-learning-tool-for-social-workers

My advice to the young woman’s dilemma was to advise her that there are many roles within social work, not all of which require you to work on the front line of child protection, though some experience in this field is essential. I urged her to consider all her options before making any drastic decisions, but felt once again, that the book had enlightened someone as to the reality of the job.

In the book, the central character is social worker, Diane Foster, who is hardworking, dedicated, and completely focused on her role as a voice for the children she supports and represents. One of the young people Diane is striving to help is 15-year-old Jessica Jackson. Readers have asked me if Jessica was “real”. While Known to Social Services is based on my personal experiences as a social worker, it is of course fictionalised with all identities protected.  Jessica’s character is a blend of several cases I worked, which involved emotionally confused teenage girls. Sad to say, many such cases do not have good outcomes. However, I would like to close this blog by telling you about one case, which did have a positive end result.

One young woman I worked with was like Jessica Jackson, in that she had moved around the care system for several years, and at 15 years of age, had become embroiled with the wrong crowd. Like Jessica in the story, I felt that this young woman, who I shall call Karen, needed a secure placement for her own safety and welfare. Karen was using class A drugs and was known to be working as a prostitute to support her habit. She constantly ran away from foster placements, which prompted the Local Authority placed her “out of county” – miles from the bad influences and her unhelpful family, in the hope that a fresh start may help. It didn’t. Karen continued to spiral downward, until the Local Authority was left with no choice but to apply for a secure order. I had campaigned for a secure placement for many weeks, but the courts quite rightly require a great deal of evidence to convince them, that depriving a young person of their liberty is in their best interest.

I presented Karen’s case to a panel, and was asked where she was at that precise moment. I knew that she was once again on the run, and likely to come to further harm if action was not taken. The order was agreed in principal, and when it was presented in court, the judge was of the same view. The problem then, was finding Karen who had once again, made herself scarce.

The police were involved, and to cut a long story short, she was finally “caught” after a chase through a local supermarket. At the police station, Karen was highly agitated, and violent. She threw anything she could lay her hands on at me, including her dinner, and screamed abuse for what seemed like forever. However, we had her safe, and transported her to the secure unit where she would remain for 3 months. It was her last hope of making some sense of her sadly messed up life. I visited Karen regularly; at first, she refused to speak to me, but slowly, she and I began to build a relationship. It was a fragile thing at first, but gradually, she came to trust me and understood I was actually on her side, though it didn’t seem that way in the beginning. I did a lot of direct play therapy with Karen and was delighted to see positive changes in her. She was in a drug rehabilitation group, where she became the star member. She put on much needed weight and engaged in groups with other girls, designed to build up her shattered self-esteem.

Karen was rehabilitated into the community 3 months later and managed to stay in a loving stable foster home. Her case was passed to the long term care team and that was the end of my involvement with Karen …… or so I thought.

Three years later, I arrived at work to find a letter on my desk; it was from Karen. She wrote to say that she was now 18 years old. She had a steady boyfriend and a job. She was expecting her first baby later that year. Karen wrote to say that she had hated me with a passion. She hated all social workers, but after being in the unit for those 3 months, she realised that I was on her side and was trying to help. She was writing to say thank you. The spelling was poor, the writing wonky and the grammar appalling, but I have never had a sweeter letter in my life.

Social work; it has its highs and its lows and if I’m honest the lows often seem to outweigh the highs, but when you get a “Karen” – it makes it all worthwhile and you go out and do it all again, always hoping that the next child is another Karen.

Freya

Another 5* review on Amazon for Known to Social Services

I am really pleased to report that my debut novel, Known to Social Services has received yet another 5* Amazon review;

I loved this book! When I see lots of 5 star reviews I often wonder if they're genuine, or if the author has got everyone they know to add them, but in this case it was well justified. I too am a social worker and have written my own novel about social work, please adopt me, but everything said in this book rang true. I loved the main characters, Diana and Glenda, who strive to keep local children safe. They behaved exactly as I recall from my days in child protection and the clients too are very authentic. This would be a great book for anyone to read who is considering social work as a career, or who just wants to know more about it. Medical romance and stories have been available for years and much enjoyed by the public, but there has been little similar for social work. Hopefully that can now change with myself and Freya Barrington setting the tone. Social work is a rich and rewarding career and it so deserves a wider audience and not just coverage from one of the tabloids when things go wrong. Lynne Pardoe.

Many thanks to the author of the review

Freya 

New Book; "Gozo; Is the Grass Greener?" by Freya Barrington - to be published by Faraxa Books

In 2010, Steve and I moved from the UK to the beautiful island of Gozo in the Mediterranean. At the time, I recorded our exploits in an online blog. Sometimes humorous, sometimes serious, but at all times candid and honest, the blog attracted over 45,000 hits in less than 12 months. At the time, many people contacted me to ask if I was going to publish the account of our move to Gozo in book form.

Freya by the sea in Gozo 

While the idea had occurred to me, it was no more than a pipe dream. Events then took a different turn when I took 12 months off from my role as a social worker, to write my first novel, entitled Known to Social Services, which was published in February 2015 by Faraxa Books. Known to Social Services was the #1 social work book on Amazon UK and has been met with positive reviews.

Freya's debut novel, Known to Social Services

Encouraged by this, I rethought the possibility of my online blog being rewritten in book form. Several months of work later, it was ready for submission under the title, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener?

I am absolutely delighted to report that Faraxa Books have agreed to publish the book.

Faraxabooks.com 

Many people dream of moving abroad to live and can be seduced by the idea of warmer climes and a better standard of living. The book looks at why we decided to move from the UK, and follows us on our epic and often hair-raising trip across Europe, with our old hairy lurcher in tow. It then gives an honest account of our lives in Gozo, and looks at whether or not the grass really is greener on the other side of the fence, or in our case, the other side of the water!

Our old lurcher Ollie who came too

The book also looks critically at our lives together and asks the same question; Is the Grass Greener? Both Steve and I have been married in before, and were warned by several well-meaning people that the grass would not necessarily be greener in a new relationship.

To see what the verdict was on whether or not the grass was greener, both in Gozo and for us as a couple, you will have to read the book, which should be released later this year J

Many thanks to Faraxa for their ongoing support.

Freya