Sticks and Stones

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

It’s a comment we have all heard or made at some time in our lives.

Sometimes however, our opinions lean more towards judgement or criticism …………………………………...

No one likes to be criticised. Being critical however, is as much a part of our psyche as breathing, and we are all guilty of it at some time or another. For people in the public eye, it’s worse. Take the TV show, “Britain’s Got Talent” for example; I don’t watch this, but from what I’ve heard, it turns even the mildest mannered person into an expert arm chair critic. Opinions are freely given and obviously, their son/daughter/second cousin twice removed could do better. 

Of course, in this context, it is nothing more than a bit of harmless fun, and the people involved can’t hear what’s being said. However, there are many places where people’s opinions cause hurt and confusion, and that is quite another matter.

Last night, I was searching for some information regarding a certain diet (I blame the French bread and the all-too-delicious-soft-cheese). I discovered a forum, which I thought might offer some useful information. However, my interest turned to shock as I read some of the comments therein. It seemed that some people had joined the forum, not to discuss diets or healthy eating, but to use it as a platform for their unwelcome opinions. One man in particular, seemed to be the commander in chief of unpleasant remarks. He was quick to point out that “he was not overweight”, but then posted multiple derogatory comments in regard to people who were.

The comments he made were not only downright rude, but breathtakingly arrogant and at times abusive. Clearly the man had issues. Of course, his diatribe provoked several angry responses, which only served to throw fuel on the fire, and so the arguments were prolonged and wasted pages and pages of space.

I left the forum without one useful piece of information, and with a feeling of huge sadness. Why do some among us, feel the need to criticise other people so harshly, often people we have never even met? Yes, we ARE all entitled to an opinion, and I am in favour of free speech, but this ……….. L

Facebook is another classic example. Visit any group, whether it’s a buying and selling site, a cookery site, or a dog lover’s forum. You will quickly identify the protagonists. You know they type of person I mean. They are the ones, who feel the need to comment on everybody else’s posts. They know everything, and make corrections freely; oh and God forbid if you should spell something wrong. You could be forgiven for thinking they were the site administrator! Their opinion is the only correct one, and you are left demoralised and wondering if it’s even worth being part of the group.

A good friend of mine said recently, “Some people would argue with their own reflection”. True.

So why am I telling you this? Well, as someone who has made a new career as an author, I find I am (more than ever) the subject of people’s opinions, or more to the point my books are. My debut novel, Known to Social Services was the number one social work book on Amazon UK – a fantastic achievement, and one, which took me completely by surprise.  I have had some extremely positive and encouraging reviews, and of course, some not so positive. This is to be expected, but the real test for me was dealing with critical comments.

Woohoo, my book went to #1 in the social work book category

Anyone can post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or on any other literary forum.  Authors have no control over the reviews, and even if you suspect it is someone you know who is “out to get you” so to speak, there is nothing you can do about it. The temptation to respond however, is almost overwhelming.

People who make unkind or abusive comments on the internet are commonly known as “trolls”. Another very wise friend of mine and fellow author (thanks cowboy) gave me an invaluable piece of advice, he said, Freya, “Never, ever talk to the trolls”.

Don't talk to the trolls 

I took this advice to heart and accept that everyone IS entitled to their own opinion, and even if it is one I don’t agree with, I can simply acknowledge that it is their opinion and move on with my day. I do not need to get into a debate with them, as this rarely ends well, as my brief foray onto the diet forum has demonstrated.

I overcome the critical comments, which I am happy to report are in the minority by focusing on the positives. My husband Steve, ever my champion, asked me a few days ago, “How does it feel to know that someone, somewhere is reading your book”. His question made me reflect on some of the great feedback I have had from the people who have read and enjoyed it.

So many positive experiences, like this one at BBC Radio Lincolnshire with Melvyn Prior

Known to Social Services was written for many reasons. One of the reasons was to raise the profile of social workers, and to make people aware of how difficult a job it is. Some of my most rewarding comments have been from student social workers, for example, this one from N.A.

Gripping book; would definitely recommend. As a social work student this book gave a fantastic insight of social work practice in child protection!! I'm hoping there will be another instalment (Source; Amazon UK)

To know that my writing made a positive difference to someone who is making social work her career was a wonderful feeling.

Or, the one from the lady who hooked up with me via Twitter and said,

Travelled through France last April started your book in the French Alps. Finished it by Calais. Great read (SJ)

Just thinking about this lady reading my book on her holiday travels, left me content and smiling.

Criticism, can be valuable, if it is constructive, kindly delivered and genuinely meant. Anything other than this is not worth giving your time to.

We will always have the nay sayers among us, but we don’t have to listen to them.

I hope those of you who have been the victims of criticism in your lives, can find a way to overcome, and focus on the positives.

Remember …….don’t talk to the trolls, and never, EVER, feed them J

Known to Social Services is available via Amazon as a paperback or Kindle download.

My debut novel

My 2^nd novel, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? Will be available in July.

Both books are published by Faraxa Books.

Freya