Not the Type? Challenging the Stereotype of the Child Sex Offender

I was speaking to someone a few days ago and they told me that a well know celebrity had been arrested on charges of historical sexual abuse of children. This is not a new phenomenon of course, in fact, it seems to be on the increase.  Practically every celebrity I grew up admiring seems to have been accused or charged with historical child abuse. What struck me in this case however, was the way in which this person spoke about it.

“I don’t know why they’re dragging this up now, I mean what’s the point? It was years ago. Why don’t they leave him alone? I mean, he’s not the type”.

I found myself reeling from her words. Never mind the fact that she felt it best to “Just leave it alone”, it was her comment “He’s not the type” which stunned me. Can people really be so naive to think that there is a stereotypical "type” of person who abuses children? Maybe a tattoo on the forehead stating, “I am a risk to children, please avoid”.

Many celebrities have been accused of sexual abuse and subsequently arrested. Some have been proved innocent, some were guilty and were later convicted. I was particularly stunned when Rolf Harris was arrested and recall thinking, “Surely not Rolf, one of my childhood heroes” but there was no doubt about it – he admitted his crimes. 

Did he look “The type”?

The celebrities issue aside, what is our stereotypical idea of a sex offender? A dirty old man in a grubby raincoat, shifty eyes, leering smile, smelling of cigarettes? Or perhaps the overweight loner with a bushy moustache who still lives with his mother? Okay, I’m exaggerating, but I’ve yet to meet a sex offender who fitted such a stereotypical description, yet people often find it easier to attach and accept the label of sex offender to such a “Type” of individual. They find it much harder to accept that their neighbour; that nice Mr Jones who works at the bank, wears a suit, drives a BMW – no, not him surely? 

He’s not the type.

Don’t you believe it.

For the vast majority of the general public, sex offenders are a frightening and unknown quantity. An unspoken terror lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on our children. Fueled by the media's oft inaccurate portrayal of them, which in any headline usually contains the word "monster"; people form opinions and ideals in their minds of just what a sex offender might look like. Someone once said to me that stereotypes exist for a reason. This is very true, but in the case of the sex offender, many of the stereotypes are no more than unhelpful urban myths and could not be further from the truth. 

One of the dangers of stereotyping sex offenders, is that it might actually allow them to avoid detection, and stay under the radar.

So what are some of the common misconceptions about sex offenders?

Sex Offenders Are Strangers

One common misconception is that sex offenders are strangers who use force and aggression to achieve their goals. While a percentage of sex offences are random acts of violent aggression, the vast majority of offenders adopt quite different approach. Perpetrators of sexual abuse are cunning, often a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for.  Sex offenders can be quite charming and polite. They may appear helpful and generous; offering to babysit or drop your child off at school. When alone with your child, they will no doubt be initially encouraging, sympathetic to their woes and usually have treats and sweets to hand. They need to be able to manipulate and coerce a child; gaining their trust and ensuring their eventual submission and silence, which was the goal all along.

It is a *fact that only about 10% of children are victimised by a stranger. A staggering 90% are abused either by a family member OR a professional/social contact or friend of the family.

I am sure that all caring parents warn their children about stranger danger. But how many of us warn our children about the potential dangers of family members, teachers, sports coaches etc? The sad fact is that many children who have been victimised by such people were under the impression that their parents knew about it and were therefore endorsing it. I recall one little boy who was abused by his piano teacher telling me that, despite his protests and reluctance to go to his lessons, his mum insisted he go every week. In his child-like thinking, he equated this to mean that mum knew what was going on and was okay with it. 

Examples From Case Work

I have lost count of the cases I have worked as a senior child protection social worker, which involved sex offenders who target, groom, and go on to abuse children within a family. In my experience, many sex offenders seek out vulnerable women, often single mothers, who are isolated and low in self-esteem. Many of them meet online in chat rooms or dating sites. The men initially befriend them, then move on to dating them, which of course gives them access to their children. They use subtle manipulation; perhaps offering to babysit so that mum can have a well-earned night off to go to bingo or out with her friends. And so it begins. 

One family I worked with involved a man who was known to Children's Services as a sex offender. Due to data protection, we were not immediately at liberty to disclose his convictions to the mother of the children he had begun dating. In the initial stage, I went to visit her and advised her that we had concerns about her current boyfriend, and that she should have a conversation with him as to why social services might have such concerns. Until then, we strongly recommended that he did not visit her home or have unsupervised contact with her children. Her response was heart breaking. She was a single mum, who had never come to the attention of social services in her life. A good mum, who worked hard in raising her three children alone after her husband had walked out on her for another woman. She was overweight, harassed and tired. She had no social life, no family support and this man had appeared like a beacon of hope in her humdrum existence. She listened to me and responded, 

“But look at me" she said tearfully, "Who’s going to want me now? I’m fat with three kids, but HE wants me. No one else wants me but he does”. 

This is precisely the response the sex offender is hoping for. A woman, so lacking in self-confidence that she drops her guard and allows this “nice helpful man” into her life, and just like that, the cycle of abuse continues.

Did he look the type? He was ten years her junior, tall, good looking and as polite and charming as you could imagine, so, in her eyes, I guess not. 

We had to visit the mother again, along with the police who made the uncomfortable disclosure to her about her new found love and his prior convictions for child sexual abuse. She was devastated of course and blamed us for her continuing unhappiness.

In another case, a deputy head teacher had groomed and abused dozens of teenagers. His ploy? He went out of his own area (into mine) and hung around the local skateboard park, pretending his son was there somewhere. He chatted to the teens, gaining their trust, offering cigarettes, and moving on to alcohol. He was their older cool mate, who eventually offered a ride in his car to go and get a takeaway, which is a big deal to an impoverished teen – that’s when he made his move. He would then threaten the teenagers that he would tell their parents they had been drinking and smoking with him, and after all, he hadn’t forced them to come with him; they were willing enough to drink his beer and smoke his cigarettes. It was enough to secure their silence. After all, in their minds, they had “gone along” with him, so it was their own fault (their words not mine) He was eventually caught literally red handed at a well-known beauty spot with two teens in his car along with sexually explicit material. They told the police everything. The man was found to have 17000 indecent images and 32 movies of children in his possession.

He was imprisoned for a mere 4 months.

Did HE look the type? A seemingly respectable deputy head teacher with an unblemished record. His own wife refused to believe it, even after all the evidence was presented in court. That’s how convincing he was.

Sex Offenders Are Anti-Social Loners

Another misunderstanding, is that sex offenders live on the fringe of society, possess few social skills and can be easily identified. 

The sexual predator’s “success” for want of a better word, depends on their ability to appear ordinary, to blend into the background, to hide in plain sight, or to appear as pillars of the community. It also depends on their skills in gaining the trust of the child, or the mother/carer of the children. One only has to read any of the reports or books on the well-publicised cases in the towns of **Rotherham and Rochdale in the UK, to understand how easy it can be for predatory sex offenders to approach, groom and then abuse children in an organised manner. In the Rotherham and Rochdale cases, groups of British Pakistani men working in gangs, groomed and recruited vulnerable white teenage girls into prostitution. This led to a nationwide discussion as to whether or not the crimes were racially motivated. Far from being isolated loners, the men in both cases were well known within the community and all knew each other. Many of them had families and children of their own and were local business men. One of the men convicted was a religious studies teacher in a mosque.

Were they the "Type"?

Sex Offenders are Avoident and Difficult to Engage
In my experience of working with sex offenders, I have found the above statement to be inaccurate. While I am not suggesting that any perpetrator will willingly "confess" his or her crimes, I have found many sexual predators to be arrogant narcissistic individuals who had a sense of their own invincibility and who were only too happy to engage with me and talk about themselves. 

Do not forget that they may well have been abusing children undetected for many years before a child makes an allegation, thus leading them to believe they are beyond the reach of justice. 

In dealing with them in a case, many of them have adopted the air of a wounded martyr, hoping to create a smokescreen; i.e. “I can’t believe that s/he said that about me, we have a great relationship. I mean, I’m the one who takes them to school every day and to swimming and dance and everything as their mother is always so busy”. 

I have known sex offenders who have actively offered to work with me to "get to the bottom of why the child has made such a wild accusation". I have also know these individuals to make every effort to groom, flatter and befriend me in the same way they have groomed the family and the children. Be on your guard social workers - this is their territory, it is how they operate and they are masters of manipulation. 

The Fear that a Child Will Tell Someone Acts as a Deterrent to the Sex Offender
Not so

Children who are the victims of sexual abuse rarely tell anyone, in fact, according to statistics from the NSPCC* only 1 in 3 children disclose sexual abuse. It is a secret sin, never to be shared or told. Why is this? There are a host of well researched reasons why children do not tell. One of the reasons is because they do not think anyone will believe them. The perpetrator will of course have told them this, and groomed, threatened and conditioned them to think they will not be believed. Often, the child themselves cannot believe what is happening to them. If the abuse is within the family, or within a social setting, i.e. a teacher, a sports coach etc, then the child may be frozen by the same barriers, which prevent adults from accepting it. WHO is going to believe that their tennis coach Mr Smith could do such a terrible thing? I mean, he’s SUCH a nice man; certainly NOT the type, and so it goes on, unseen, secret, hidden, ignored, disbelieved.

Sex Offenders are all Men
This is untrue. While children are predominantly abused by men, women also sexually abuse children, though they only represent about 5% of abusers. Women are sometimes the victims of the same male abusers and are forced to work as accomplices to the men, engaging in the abuse of their own children.

Listening to Children Who Are Victims
What message do we give to children who DO try and tell us? Do we believe them without question? Do we doubt them? Pour scorn on their stories as fantasy?

I once knew a woman whose daughter was being sexually abused by an elder of her church. The child eventually plucked up the courage to try and tell her mother and was rewarded with a slap to the face. “How dare you say such a disgusting thing about a man in this church” was her mother’s stinging response, giving the message, “What he’s doing is okay”. The man of course continued in his abuse of her daughter and other children. Thankfully, he was eventually brought to justice by the disclosure of another child whose mother DID believe her. The first mother then had a nervous breakdown with the shame and regret of her inaction and her inability to accept the truth, which led to her own child, and other children being victimised.

It is vitally important if a child makes any sort of disclosure to first of all LISTEN, just listen. If you are a professional, you will know that there are specific guidelines regarding how to act if a child makes a disclosure. Whoever is hearing the disclosure, it is essential for the child to feel believed. Any child who is being victimised, needs to feel safe in telling their account of what happened. Do not be tempted to ask leading questions or probe too deeply; just hear them out, and when appropriate refer to the proper authorities (assuming you are not a professional and already dealing with it) Don’t demonstrate shock or question them, i.e. “Surely not Mr Smith? Are you sure”? - that kind of thing just puts doubt in the child’s mind and reinforces Mr Smith’s assurance that no one will believe them.

There is much and more I could write on the subject of sex offenders and child sexual abuse, but the purpose of this piece is mainly to challenge the stereotype of the sex offender and raise awareness of the issue.

There is no one “Type” of sexual predator. While there may well be certain characteristics and profiles to be aware of when identifying sex offenders, which I will write about another day, the fact remains; sexual predators do not fit into a convenient box, and may just surprise you as to who they are. 

*Statistics from NSPCC

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-abuse/sexual-abuse-facts-statistics/

**For more information on the Rotherham and Rochdale scandals please refer to the following links.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rochdale_sex_trafficking_gang

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

My debut book Known to Social Services is a fictional narrative based on my own experience as a child protection social worker. The book has been the number one social work book on Amazon UK several times and won its section at the 2015 London Book Festival. More recently, Known to Social Services won an Honorable Mention in the General Non-Fiction section at the 2016 Paris Book Festival.

Among other topics and themes common to social work, the book highlights the heinous work of a paedophile ring, and the manner in which they infiltrate families and organisations to access children. With mothers oblivious to their intentions, and others who simply do not believe that their nice friend could do such a thing, the book highlights the issue of the sex offender in society.

Known to Social Services is available via Amazon and good book stores.

The sequel to the book, Caught in Traffick is due out later this year. Set in Thailand, the book picks up the story of Known to Social Services and tracks a child trafficking ring.

www.freyabarrington.com

Freya

Known to Social Services Wins Honorable Mention at 2016 Paris Book Festival

I am absolutely thrilled to announce that my debut book Known to Social Services has won an Honorable Mention in the General Non-Fiction section of the 2016 Paris Book Festival.

Already a Winner in London

Already the WINNER of the autobiography/biography section of the 2015 London Book Festival, the book tells the fictionalised and harrowing story of a social worker in the UK.

The book is recognised as a valuable learning tool for social workers, and is included on many UK University reading lists.

Thanks must go to Faraxa Publishing for publishing the work.

Thanks to everyone who supported me in downloading or buying the book and offering a steady stream of encouragement.

My second book Gozo Is the Grass Greener? Was a WINNER in Paris, taking the top prize in the autobiography/biography section.

Gozo Is the Grass Greener went one better in Paris and WON its section

We hope to attend the winners dinner in Paris in June – good thing we live in France now J

Freya

Who are You to Judge? The Importance of Recording and Evidence Based Assessments.

Jane’s words rang in my ears; her wonderful Scottish brogue seemed to give more weight to her sound advice. “Write. It. Down” she said firmly, enunciating every word. Jane was my tutor in University, and was talking to me in a 1:1 tutorial about the importance of recording in social work. Her words made an impression, which remain with me to this day.  Such was her emphasis on the subject, that once qualified and working, I became almost obsessed with making sure that I, 
Wrote. 
It. 
Down.  
Jane was not wrong; accurate recording is absolutely fundamental to the task of social work.

I was a social worker back in the day before computers made the job of recording less laborious. How well I recall staying in the office after a lengthy or difficult visit, which had to be written up by hand, before I went home, while the information was fresh in my mind. I wasn’t alone; there would often be three or four of us, hunched over our desks, scribbling furiously, and wishing our hands didn’t ache quite so much.  If I felt like skimping the task, Jane’s words would resound once again, and I would redouble my efforts.

Jane was equally emphatic about the importance of accuracy. “If it goes to court” she cautioned, “You’d better be sure you’ve recorded it accurately”. This advice was to stand me in good stead many times. I recall one occasion where I was cross-examined in Crown Court by a particularly intense barrister who seemed determined to discredit my account of events of the case in question. At one point, he asked me how I could be so sure of my recollection of events, which were written up in the court report. I answered simply and honestly, “Because I recorded it accurately at the time”. He raised a sardonic eyebrow and questioned me again, “You mean to tell me that at the time of speaking to this mother, you managed to make detailed notes”. To me, it seemed obvious, “Yes” I replied. He paused for effect, “And where, may I ask are these marvellous notes now?” he enquired with an edge of sarcasm. I pointed to the desk where the Local Authority solicitor was sat; “Right there” I said indicating my original notebook from the day in question.

The judge leaned forwards and gestured, “I’ll have those please,” he said immediately, and they were duly admitted as evidence. Sure enough, on the day in question, I had followed Jane’s advice. I had Written. It Down. Chapter and verse; it was all there, dated, signed, and accurate. The judge read the notes in silence. Then, he turned to the barrister and declared, “Seems clear to me” and that, was in effect, that.

When contemplating poor recording, I think about a case where I was required to write an independent assessment concerning a little boy of four who had been taken into the care of the Local Authority, and whose aunt wished to assume care for him. The social worker in charge of the case, was, like many of her colleagues, overworked, tired and stressed. As well as reading all the files, and speaking to all the professionals involved, I discussed the case with the social worker in order to glean as much first-hand information as possible. As we talked, she recalled several meetings where the child’s aunt had been aggressive, confrontational and on one occasion, downright violent, attacking the social worker in the foyer of the building. I asked the social worker if she could possibly direct me to the case notes in regard to these incidents, as they would need to form part of my assessment. She told me that she had never had time to record the meetings and incidents, some of which had happened more than a month previously. Seeing my stunned reaction to this, the social worker told me that she “Had it all in her head”. This did nothing to alleviate my concern. Here we had a family member who was potentially wholly unsuitable for the task of caring for this child, but her violence and aggression towards professionals had not been recorded and hearsay does not stand up in court. Write. It. Down.

One of the most elemental skills for any social worker is the ability to initiate an accurate assessment of a given situation. Undertaking solid, research based, evidential assessments, is a core activity for any social worker. Good quality assessments are THE essential tool in substantiating and informing the decision making process within social work.

Assessments are usually context specific and may comprise of a variety of theoretical approaches. However, all assessments share a common factor in that they all require the gathering of information. In a situation of immediate risk to a child, an assessment needs to be made quickly based on the available information. However, more often than not, assessments are time consuming, and can take many weeks or even months to complete.  Social workers are not only concerned with gathering information; they must also analyse and evaluate what information is relevant and more importantly, what is valid and accurate, which is a skill in itself.

The role of the child protection social worker is complex; Parents can become defensive and hostile in their efforts to protect their privacy and, given the nature of the job, the information offered to social workers by parents may not necessarily be exact. Parents who feel they are “under the microscope” can understandably feel anxious, and, in their efforts to avoid further involvement from social services, may volunteer information, which is not accurate.  Parents may minimise a given situation in order to downplay the social worker’s concerns, or more worryingly, may offer information, which is totally fabricated and intended to deceive.

Gathering information for an assessment can be intrusive and uncomfortable for all concerned. The skill of the social worker must lie in their ability to interpret what is factual and relevant in an often highly complex plethora of information. They must then organise this information into a comprehensible assessment, which addresses the salient points, highlights any areas of risk to the children concerned, and most importantly must offer recommendations as to how to make and maintain positive changes.

Within this process, social workers are often accused of being judgmental. While it is hoped that we would strive to avoid adopting an autocratic or superior attitude; making sound judgments is an essential part of any social worker’s role.

One dictionary definition of the word judgement is; 
The forming of an opinion, estimate, notion or conclusion from presenting circumstances.  

Another definition suggests that it is;
The ability to judge, make a decision, or form an objective opinion, wisely, especially in matters affecting action.

“Being judgmental” is therefore unavoidable if we are to be effective. When a social worker visits a family and begins an assessment, he or she is, essentially being paid for their judgement about the situation. When the social worker discusses the case with their manager, that manager then makes further decisions based on the judgement of the social worker.

Social work judgments are based on the assessment of a given situation, it is therefore essential that our skills in this area are regularly revised and enhanced.

While judgement of a situation is required, social workers must guard against falling into the trap of “value judgments”. For example, we might visit a home and report that it was “maintained to a high standard” – by whose standard are we measuring this? Alternatively, we might report, “the children were inappropriately dressed”; again, what is our baseline for quantifying this statement?

Statements such as these must be backed up with evidence if we are to avoid the accusation that we are being judgmental, which is where the evidence-based assessment is of such importance.  One Local Authority I worked for recently banned the use of the phrase, “Kicked off”, in assessments and daily logs, which I for one was more than happy about. It had become commonplace for social workers to report that children had “kicked off”, with no accompanying information as to what qualified as “kicking off”.  

Once completed, a social work assessment can be a crucially valuable tool. It may be used in court as the basis for the Local Authority’s case in Family Proceedings. As such, the importance of the evidence gathered by the social worker cannot be understated. Our resulting judgement, made as a result of all the relevant information, is at the heart of our role as child protection social workers.

So remember; Write. It. Down. You will not only help yourself, but others who may need to rely on your accuracy for other ongoing assessments or court hearings. 

Visit my website; www.freyabarrington.com

My bestselling book Known to Social Services is a fictionalised work, outlining the daily challenges faced in social work. Known to Social Services won the autobiography/biography/memoir section of the 2015 London Book Festival.

Coming Soon; my latest novel, titled Caught in Traffick is a novel about the harrowing world of child trafficking in Thailand. it is a sequel to Known to Social Services.

Freya 

New Book Cover for Forthcoming Novel Caught in Traffic

Writing a book is exciting. Any author will tell you that. Developing the characters, plotting the twists and turns, and seeing the story take shape, with you; the architect of it all. It can also be lonely; frustrating, and at times, discouraging. There will be many re-writes, dozens of readings and endless editing.

I can only speak for myself, but once it is completed, I kind of sit back and think, “Oh, …………. Hey I finished it”. It kind of sneaks up on you in the end, and you finally realise that all the hard work, all the sleepless nights where you wrote from midnight until 6 am have come together and you have the raw makings of a new book.  If you think the hard work is behind you, think again. Now it begins in earnest. There is the foreword, the acknowledgements, the synopsis, the biography, and all the editing, which goes into making it fit for publication. I speak from experience when I say that writing a 300 word synopsis has been known to cause me more aggravation than writing the 90,000 words of a book. I stare blankly at the screen, wracking my brains as to how I am going to cram a description of this entire story into 300 words – you try it, it's not easy!

Not least in all the preparation is the book cover, which is incredibly important. I’m sure you have all heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”, but I’m afraid we do, we really do. How many of you have picked up a book in a store simply because you were attracted by the cover? I know I have. In the same way that I have ignored a book because the cover put me off. I’m certainly guilty of judging a book by its cover!

With all three of my books, the cover was in my mind long before the book was completed. For Known to Social Services, that sombre backdrop of high rise flats was always going to be the cover. I also knew that I wanted the colour red to feature as a sharp contrast to the suggested dreariness of the world therein.

The stark cover of Known to Social Services

For Gozo Is the Grass Greener? The cartoon style animation of me, Steve and Ollie the lurcher, was perfectly captured by Michael Martin who is the current illustrator for Fred Basset in the Daily Mail. It was as if he had read my mind J

In complete contrast, the fun cover of Gozo Is the Grass Greener?

Caught in Traffic was no different. I had an image of a child on a beach making sandcastles. I wanted to suggest a place of blue skies, and happy holidays. The book then takes you into a frightening world, where carefree holidays are shattered by the dark and sinister intrusion of the child traffickers. More about the story in a future blog.

For now, I am very proud to unveil my latest book cover, which has been beautifully designed and brought into reality by Samuel Hurt. Check out Sam’s Facebook Page, Misty Fell Productions and find out more about this talented young man. Thank you Sam, excellent job J

Freya 

Exciting New Novel CAUGHT IN TRAFFICK

I am delighted to announce that I have just about completed my latest book. This is my third book to date, and is a sequel to my debut bestseller, Known to Social Services.

The new book is titled, Caught in Traffick and is, as the title suggests, takes the reader into the terrible world of child trafficking. A work of fiction, Caught in Traffic picks up where Known to Social Services left off.

The book is set in mainly in Thailand, and features some characters from the first book, along with many new characters, who you will love to hate.

From an Organised Crime Syndicate with a megalomaniac leader, to abducted children and an intricately tangled web of blackmail, deceit and unimaginable horror, Caught in Traffic will take you on a roller coaster of a journey, complete with twists and turns and culminating in a jaw dropping finale.

So IS Nicholas Bishop the infamous NB – all will be revealed J

Not long now folks – watch this space.

Freya 

Goodnight Wogan

Yesterday, the world awoke to the sad news that we had lost one of Britain’s best loved icons, Sir Terry Wogan.

In a month that has seen the loss of too many much-loved figures, such as Lemmy from Motorhead, the one and only David Bowie, Glenn Frey of The Eagles, Dale Griffin of Mott The Hoople, to name but a few, the news of Terry Wogan’s death was like the final insult. It seemed as if day after day, we would access our social media and almost immediately be open mouthed and exclaiming, “Oh no”, trotting of to break the news to our other half and asking the pointless question, “Guess who’s died now?”

It affected me more than I ever imagined it would.

I cried.

When I reflected as to why this should be, why should I be so affected by the passing of a man, who after all, reached the good age of 77, lived a comfortable life in the public eye, had a loving family, and who I had never met? Why?

I came to the conclusion that Terry Wogan has simply always been there. As much a part of my life as a well loved Uncle. I grew up listening to his Irish blarney every morning before I left for school. I recall my dad sitting at the breakfast table, letting out one of his great guffaws of laughter at something Terry Wogan had said. At the time of course, with hormones coursing through my bloodstream like poison, I would pull a face of utter disgust. “For God’s sake dad” I would opine in my best teenage sneering voice, “It wasn’t THAT funny”. But do you know what? It really was.

When I left home aged only 19, guess what? I abandoned Radio 1, defecting to Terry and Radio 2 and listened to him all the time. He was more than a superb DJ with a sense of timing, a turn of phrase, and a twinkle in his voice as he spoke to us. He was my link with my parents, my home, and my past.

I wrote to him once; I was 21, and shared some anecdote about daily life, but he read it out and I felt elated. Terry Wogan had READ my letter out on the radio. I remember so well my mum ringing me from 80 miles away, “Did you hear it?” she enthused, “He read your letter”. “I know” I beamed, “I know”. Good times.

I lost both my parents when I was in my 20’s. Their loss was a hammer blow, from which I never truly recovered, but Terry was still there and as I listened, I’d think to myself with a smile, “Dad would have liked that” or “Oh mum would have laughed to hear that one”, and so the link continued.

How many of you remember the JR saga of the 80’s? I followed it with absolute delight. Long before we had Facebook, Twitter and the rest, Terry Wogan was uniting the country with his easy wit and absolute charm.

I qualified as a child protection social worker in 2001, and on my way to work, Terry was always with me, and many of my colleagues. He gave us a cheery start to days, which were less than joyous. We’d trickle into the office one by one and often ask, “Did you listen to Terry Wogan this morning?” And there would be laughter, shaking of heads and comments about his repartee. Whether it be Janet and John, or just his well-known characters, Edna Bucket, Lou Smorrels, Dora Jar and my personal favourite Chuffer Dandridge. His double entendre’s were legendary and I would find myself wondering how he got away with some of them, so close were they to the bone.

He will never know how important he was to so many of us, in that small triumph of making us smile in the misery and sadness of our jobs.

Oft times I would be out of the office early, while Terry was still broadcasting. I would literally have to pull over, tears of laughter coursing down my face especially with Janet and John, read in the presence of the ever faithful John “Boggy” Marsh.  Along with Lynn Bowles and Alan Dedicote; the mere mention of their names brought me comfort; it was something reliable, solid and dependable. I remember the feeling of sharp disappointment if I tuned in to find Terry was on holiday and someone else was standing in. I would exclaim in annoyance, no one did the breakfast show like Terry.

As I got older, there was absolutely no doubt, I had become a TOG – one of Terry’s Old Gits. I wondered what my mum and dad would have said about THAT.

Of course, Terry’s talents were not confined to radio. A supreme TV broadcaster, he had us tuning into the terrible Eurovision Song Contest, simply to hear his acerbic commentary and comments. ………….. Priceless.

His presentation of the BBC’s annual Children in Need was also a “must watch” event. There was just something so British about the whole thing. You had to be a part of it.

To say he will be missed is an understatement. He was part of the fabric of the country, a true legend, with real talent.

For me, he was the thread that linked me to times gone by, times, I could revisit, simply by hearing that lovely Irish brogue, which never failed to bring a smile.

Now he’s gone and really, it just won’t be the same, not ever.

My thoughts and condolences are with his family at this time 

Goodnight Sir Terry, and thank you so very much for your gift to us all. xxxxx

Freya

Wildest Dreams

Less than 12 months ago, I was eagerly, and somewhat nervously, awaiting the release of my debut book Known to Social Services. Based on my own (fictionalised) experiences as a senior child protection social worker, I had felt for years that I had a book inside me, but never seemed to have the time to write it. With the support of my husband Steve, I eventually withdrew from the work force at the end of 2013, saying goodbye to the Child Protection Team I was working in at the time. Devoting all my time to writing, I finally completed the book, which details the day to day life of social worker Diane Foster. Once completed, I submitted the manuscript to dozens of agents and publishers, to no avail. Oh I had some polite and encouraging responses, and three of them offered me what is known as a vanity deal. That’s where you, as the author, get to pay THEM to publish your work – err no thanks, I’ll keep on trying.

My debut work

Like so many authors, disillusionment was setting in, until a chance meeting with a friend led me to the Maltese based publishers Faraxa, who offered me a contract and gave me the much needed opportunity to see my work in print. I cannot describe the feeling when I received the email, which made the offer. To see that someone wants to publish your work is such a thrill, and I still pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. I am indebted to Faraxa.

www.faraxapublishing.com

Then came all the editing, the proof reading the re-reading, the cover design, the foreword, the acknowledgements, and the final “Yes, it’s ready” before it went off to America to be published.

The excitement of launch day was immense; I was like a cat on hot bricks waiting for the response to all my hard work. Within two weeks, the book was at the number one social work book on Amazon UK. I could NOT believe it.

The feedback I have had since then has been tremendous and quite frankly, overwhelming. Yes, there will always be the protagonists, but overall, the book has been very well received by the profession of social workers and lay people alike.

I have been fortunate in receiving many invitations to visit Universities in the UK and in Malta, where I have been privileged to speak to students, lecturers and qualified social workers. I have also had the pleasure of doing many book signings as well as radio and newspaper interviews and a visit to a primary school to read to the children, though NOT I hasten to add from Known to Social Services!

At The University of Derby where I completed my Social Work training.

Speaking by invitation at Huddersfield University's Social Work Book Day

With BBC Radio Lincoln's Melvyn Prior

Once the initial excitement had died down a bit, I applied myself to completing my second book, titled Gozo Is the Grass Greener? A totally different piece of work, this book charts mine and Steve’s exploits in moving from the UK to the lovely island of Gozo in 2010. A mixed book of humour and sadness, it is a simple biography of our lives, written from the heart. It tells of how we met, our wonderful lurchers, our singing career and much more. This book was also well received and found a place in the hearts of the people of Gozo and much further afield.

My second book

At a book signing in Gozo

On the advice of the Director of Faraxa, I entered both books, in the 2015 London Book Festival. A week ago I had an email to say that the winners of the Book Festival had now been announced. There was a link, which of course I followed. Never imagining I had realised success I stared in frozen amazement when I read the following.

Biography/Autobiography/Memoir

Winner: Known to Social Services - Freya Barrington

I stared at the words, and for some reason, closed the link and opened it again, not actually trusting that I had seen it correctly. No, there it was again, Winner: Known to Social Services - Freya Barrington. I had won, I had actually won.

Steve was in the shower, but I simply HAD to tell him, and so went barging in with a big grin on my face. Wrapped in a towel, he looked at me in puzzlement, "What?" he asked as I continued to beam. "I won" I said simply, "The London Book Festival, I won my section". Now for those of you who know my husband, you will know that he is a man of few words, and fewer facial expressions. He smiled, nodded and simply said, "What did I tell you?" ....... And he had; he had said it would win, and he was right. He's had faith in me from day one and has always been my most ardent supporter. 

Steve and I at a book signing at Gozo's Bargate Books

However, that was not the end of it; Gozo Is the Grass Greener? Had been entered in the same section and had received an Honourable Mention.

A double delight - to say I was over the moon was an understatement.

I write for pleasure; I write because I enjoy writing. It is not a burden or a chore, if it was, I would not do it. I have always said that if no one ever bought one of my books, I have still had the pleasure and delight of holding those shiny freshly printed new editions in my hands and saying, "I wrote this". However, it has to be said that to receive any sort of accolade is above and beyond my wildest expectations.

The Social Work magazine Community Care, ran a story on the success of Known to Social Services, at The London Book Festival, and today, saw the book once again take the number one slot in social work books on Amazon UK. 

http://www.communitycare.co.uk/2016/01/25/book-realities-child-protection-work-wins-award/

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I received notice that The National Council on Crime and Delinquency in the USA are considering Known to Social Services for their Media for a Just Society Award.  Apparently, a member of their staff nominated the book. I was stunned - the USA? WOW I never imagined it had reached so far. 

Every author, no matter who they are depend on their reading audience for their success. And so I want to say to each and every one of you who has urged me to write and to have faith in myself. To everyone who has read either, or both of the books, whether bought or borrowed, to those of you who have given me great reviews, or who have simply written to me privately and said, "Great book Freya", I say a huge and most heartfelt thank you. Authors are an odd breed, we spend months, even years of our lives, hidden away getting backache, neck ache and shoulder ache from sitting hunched like hobbits over our laptops as we furiously bang out our latest plot. We worry, we wonder, we drink a lot of coffee and we do what we love to do - we write stories. 

Chilling out in a rare bit of free time

However, without people to read those stories, we are incomplete. Yes, I do write for pleasure, but oh the joy when you hear from someone who has read you book and who tells you it made them laugh, or cry, or how they've thrown the book across the room as they were so angry with one of the characters. Then ........ THEN you know you've got it right. When your words can move people, stir their emotions, provoke a response, then you know you've nailed it. 

And so, what now? Many of you are hounding me to hurry up and finish the sequel to Known to Social Services, and I promise I am working hard on it. Honestly. Steve and I are currently in southern Spain, but that is due to change soon ................. watch this space.

I hope to have it finished by Easter, and then we begin again with the editing etc. I am confident however, that it can be earmarked for your summer reading. The book is a work of fiction, set in the world of child trafficking. It's another disturbing glimpse into a world, which many of us are completely unaware of. With some of the same characters from Known to Social Services, the book is set mainly in Thailand, where you will meet many new characters, some of whom you will love to hate! With twists and turns, highs and lows, I am hoping it might enjoy the same success as its predecessor, but then, that's really up to you.

Love to you all

Freya