Not the Type? Challenging the Stereotype of the Child Sex Offender

I was speaking to someone a few days ago and they told me that a well know celebrity had been arrested on charges of historical sexual abuse of children. This is not a new phenomenon of course, in fact, it seems to be on the increase.  Practically every celebrity I grew up admiring seems to have been accused or charged with historical child abuse. What struck me in this case however, was the way in which this person spoke about it.

“I don’t know why they’re dragging this up now, I mean what’s the point? It was years ago. Why don’t they leave him alone? I mean, he’s not the type”.

I found myself reeling from her words. Never mind the fact that she felt it best to “Just leave it alone”, it was her comment “He’s not the type” which stunned me. Can people really be so naive to think that there is a stereotypical "type” of person who abuses children? Maybe a tattoo on the forehead stating, “I am a risk to children, please avoid”.

Many celebrities have been accused of sexual abuse and subsequently arrested. Some have been proved innocent, some were guilty and were later convicted. I was particularly stunned when Rolf Harris was arrested and recall thinking, “Surely not Rolf, one of my childhood heroes” but there was no doubt about it – he admitted his crimes. 

Did he look “The type”?

The celebrities issue aside, what is our stereotypical idea of a sex offender? A dirty old man in a grubby raincoat, shifty eyes, leering smile, smelling of cigarettes? Or perhaps the overweight loner with a bushy moustache who still lives with his mother? Okay, I’m exaggerating, but I’ve yet to meet a sex offender who fitted such a stereotypical description, yet people often find it easier to attach and accept the label of sex offender to such a “Type” of individual. They find it much harder to accept that their neighbour; that nice Mr Jones who works at the bank, wears a suit, drives a BMW – no, not him surely? 

He’s not the type.

Don’t you believe it.

For the vast majority of the general public, sex offenders are a frightening and unknown quantity. An unspoken terror lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on our children. Fueled by the media's oft inaccurate portrayal of them, which in any headline usually contains the word "monster"; people form opinions and ideals in their minds of just what a sex offender might look like. Someone once said to me that stereotypes exist for a reason. This is very true, but in the case of the sex offender, many of the stereotypes are no more than unhelpful urban myths and could not be further from the truth. 

One of the dangers of stereotyping sex offenders, is that it might actually allow them to avoid detection, and stay under the radar.

So what are some of the common misconceptions about sex offenders?

Sex Offenders Are Strangers

One common misconception is that sex offenders are strangers who use force and aggression to achieve their goals. While a percentage of sex offences are random acts of violent aggression, the vast majority of offenders adopt quite different approach. Perpetrators of sexual abuse are cunning, often a lot more intelligent than we give them credit for.  Sex offenders can be quite charming and polite. They may appear helpful and generous; offering to babysit or drop your child off at school. When alone with your child, they will no doubt be initially encouraging, sympathetic to their woes and usually have treats and sweets to hand. They need to be able to manipulate and coerce a child; gaining their trust and ensuring their eventual submission and silence, which was the goal all along.

It is a *fact that only about 10% of children are victimised by a stranger. A staggering 90% are abused either by a family member OR a professional/social contact or friend of the family.

I am sure that all caring parents warn their children about stranger danger. But how many of us warn our children about the potential dangers of family members, teachers, sports coaches etc? The sad fact is that many children who have been victimised by such people were under the impression that their parents knew about it and were therefore endorsing it. I recall one little boy who was abused by his piano teacher telling me that, despite his protests and reluctance to go to his lessons, his mum insisted he go every week. In his child-like thinking, he equated this to mean that mum knew what was going on and was okay with it. 

Examples From Case Work

I have lost count of the cases I have worked as a senior child protection social worker, which involved sex offenders who target, groom, and go on to abuse children within a family. In my experience, many sex offenders seek out vulnerable women, often single mothers, who are isolated and low in self-esteem. Many of them meet online in chat rooms or dating sites. The men initially befriend them, then move on to dating them, which of course gives them access to their children. They use subtle manipulation; perhaps offering to babysit so that mum can have a well-earned night off to go to bingo or out with her friends. And so it begins. 

One family I worked with involved a man who was known to Children's Services as a sex offender. Due to data protection, we were not immediately at liberty to disclose his convictions to the mother of the children he had begun dating. In the initial stage, I went to visit her and advised her that we had concerns about her current boyfriend, and that she should have a conversation with him as to why social services might have such concerns. Until then, we strongly recommended that he did not visit her home or have unsupervised contact with her children. Her response was heart breaking. She was a single mum, who had never come to the attention of social services in her life. A good mum, who worked hard in raising her three children alone after her husband had walked out on her for another woman. She was overweight, harassed and tired. She had no social life, no family support and this man had appeared like a beacon of hope in her humdrum existence. She listened to me and responded, 

“But look at me" she said tearfully, "Who’s going to want me now? I’m fat with three kids, but HE wants me. No one else wants me but he does”. 

This is precisely the response the sex offender is hoping for. A woman, so lacking in self-confidence that she drops her guard and allows this “nice helpful man” into her life, and just like that, the cycle of abuse continues.

Did he look the type? He was ten years her junior, tall, good looking and as polite and charming as you could imagine, so, in her eyes, I guess not. 

We had to visit the mother again, along with the police who made the uncomfortable disclosure to her about her new found love and his prior convictions for child sexual abuse. She was devastated of course and blamed us for her continuing unhappiness.

In another case, a deputy head teacher had groomed and abused dozens of teenagers. His ploy? He went out of his own area (into mine) and hung around the local skateboard park, pretending his son was there somewhere. He chatted to the teens, gaining their trust, offering cigarettes, and moving on to alcohol. He was their older cool mate, who eventually offered a ride in his car to go and get a takeaway, which is a big deal to an impoverished teen – that’s when he made his move. He would then threaten the teenagers that he would tell their parents they had been drinking and smoking with him, and after all, he hadn’t forced them to come with him; they were willing enough to drink his beer and smoke his cigarettes. It was enough to secure their silence. After all, in their minds, they had “gone along” with him, so it was their own fault (their words not mine) He was eventually caught literally red handed at a well-known beauty spot with two teens in his car along with sexually explicit material. They told the police everything. The man was found to have 17000 indecent images and 32 movies of children in his possession.

He was imprisoned for a mere 4 months.

Did HE look the type? A seemingly respectable deputy head teacher with an unblemished record. His own wife refused to believe it, even after all the evidence was presented in court. That’s how convincing he was.

Sex Offenders Are Anti-Social Loners

Another misunderstanding, is that sex offenders live on the fringe of society, possess few social skills and can be easily identified. 

The sexual predator’s “success” for want of a better word, depends on their ability to appear ordinary, to blend into the background, to hide in plain sight, or to appear as pillars of the community. It also depends on their skills in gaining the trust of the child, or the mother/carer of the children. One only has to read any of the reports or books on the well-publicised cases in the towns of **Rotherham and Rochdale in the UK, to understand how easy it can be for predatory sex offenders to approach, groom and then abuse children in an organised manner. In the Rotherham and Rochdale cases, groups of British Pakistani men working in gangs, groomed and recruited vulnerable white teenage girls into prostitution. This led to a nationwide discussion as to whether or not the crimes were racially motivated. Far from being isolated loners, the men in both cases were well known within the community and all knew each other. Many of them had families and children of their own and were local business men. One of the men convicted was a religious studies teacher in a mosque.

Were they the "Type"?

Sex Offenders are Avoident and Difficult to Engage
In my experience of working with sex offenders, I have found the above statement to be inaccurate. While I am not suggesting that any perpetrator will willingly "confess" his or her crimes, I have found many sexual predators to be arrogant narcissistic individuals who had a sense of their own invincibility and who were only too happy to engage with me and talk about themselves. 

Do not forget that they may well have been abusing children undetected for many years before a child makes an allegation, thus leading them to believe they are beyond the reach of justice. 

In dealing with them in a case, many of them have adopted the air of a wounded martyr, hoping to create a smokescreen; i.e. “I can’t believe that s/he said that about me, we have a great relationship. I mean, I’m the one who takes them to school every day and to swimming and dance and everything as their mother is always so busy”. 

I have known sex offenders who have actively offered to work with me to "get to the bottom of why the child has made such a wild accusation". I have also know these individuals to make every effort to groom, flatter and befriend me in the same way they have groomed the family and the children. Be on your guard social workers - this is their territory, it is how they operate and they are masters of manipulation. 

The Fear that a Child Will Tell Someone Acts as a Deterrent to the Sex Offender
Not so

Children who are the victims of sexual abuse rarely tell anyone, in fact, according to statistics from the NSPCC* only 1 in 3 children disclose sexual abuse. It is a secret sin, never to be shared or told. Why is this? There are a host of well researched reasons why children do not tell. One of the reasons is because they do not think anyone will believe them. The perpetrator will of course have told them this, and groomed, threatened and conditioned them to think they will not be believed. Often, the child themselves cannot believe what is happening to them. If the abuse is within the family, or within a social setting, i.e. a teacher, a sports coach etc, then the child may be frozen by the same barriers, which prevent adults from accepting it. WHO is going to believe that their tennis coach Mr Smith could do such a terrible thing? I mean, he’s SUCH a nice man; certainly NOT the type, and so it goes on, unseen, secret, hidden, ignored, disbelieved.

Sex Offenders are all Men
This is untrue. While children are predominantly abused by men, women also sexually abuse children, though they only represent about 5% of abusers. Women are sometimes the victims of the same male abusers and are forced to work as accomplices to the men, engaging in the abuse of their own children.

Listening to Children Who Are Victims
What message do we give to children who DO try and tell us? Do we believe them without question? Do we doubt them? Pour scorn on their stories as fantasy?

I once knew a woman whose daughter was being sexually abused by an elder of her church. The child eventually plucked up the courage to try and tell her mother and was rewarded with a slap to the face. “How dare you say such a disgusting thing about a man in this church” was her mother’s stinging response, giving the message, “What he’s doing is okay”. The man of course continued in his abuse of her daughter and other children. Thankfully, he was eventually brought to justice by the disclosure of another child whose mother DID believe her. The first mother then had a nervous breakdown with the shame and regret of her inaction and her inability to accept the truth, which led to her own child, and other children being victimised.

It is vitally important if a child makes any sort of disclosure to first of all LISTEN, just listen. If you are a professional, you will know that there are specific guidelines regarding how to act if a child makes a disclosure. Whoever is hearing the disclosure, it is essential for the child to feel believed. Any child who is being victimised, needs to feel safe in telling their account of what happened. Do not be tempted to ask leading questions or probe too deeply; just hear them out, and when appropriate refer to the proper authorities (assuming you are not a professional and already dealing with it) Don’t demonstrate shock or question them, i.e. “Surely not Mr Smith? Are you sure”? - that kind of thing just puts doubt in the child’s mind and reinforces Mr Smith’s assurance that no one will believe them.

There is much and more I could write on the subject of sex offenders and child sexual abuse, but the purpose of this piece is mainly to challenge the stereotype of the sex offender and raise awareness of the issue.

There is no one “Type” of sexual predator. While there may well be certain characteristics and profiles to be aware of when identifying sex offenders, which I will write about another day, the fact remains; sexual predators do not fit into a convenient box, and may just surprise you as to who they are. 

*Statistics from NSPCC

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/child-sexual-abuse/sexual-abuse-facts-statistics/

**For more information on the Rotherham and Rochdale scandals please refer to the following links.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rochdale_sex_trafficking_gang

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rotherham_child_sexual_exploitation_scandal

My debut book Known to Social Services is a fictional narrative based on my own experience as a child protection social worker. The book has been the number one social work book on Amazon UK several times and won its section at the 2015 London Book Festival. More recently, Known to Social Services won an Honorable Mention in the General Non-Fiction section at the 2016 Paris Book Festival.

Among other topics and themes common to social work, the book highlights the heinous work of a paedophile ring, and the manner in which they infiltrate families and organisations to access children. With mothers oblivious to their intentions, and others who simply do not believe that their nice friend could do such a thing, the book highlights the issue of the sex offender in society.

Known to Social Services is available via Amazon and good book stores.

The sequel to the book, Caught in Traffick is due out later this year. Set in Thailand, the book picks up the story of Known to Social Services and tracks a child trafficking ring.

www.freyabarrington.com

Freya