A Week of Book Promotion in Malta and Gozo

Steve and I have just returned from a whirlwind visit to Malta and its smaller sister island, Gozo. As many of you are aware, we lived in Gozo up until April of this year.  The purpose of the visit was to promote my debut novel, Known to Social Services, which was the number one social work book on Amazon UK. Also to raise awareness for my new book, Gozo Is the Grass Greener? Which is an account of our move to Gozo from the UK in December 2010.

Monday 28th September

First stop was to the Lotus tal-Qalb Centre in Gharb, Gozo, where we received an enthusiastic welcome from a group of about 30 people. I am indebted to Sue Lister for extending the invitation to me, and to my dear friend Penny Dix for suggesting it in the first place. 

A warm welcome from Penny

Thank you to everyone who came along to listen

My dear friend Pat has her copy signed

I think this was a fairly orderly queue for books!

Thanks Janet!

Our Valda!

I know Jackie is one of many people who has read BOTH books

It was a thoroughly enjoyable evening, where we met old friends and new and were pleased to have some brisk book sales J

BIG thank you to Sue for organising the event

Many thanks to you all for your hospitality.

Tuesday 29^th September

We made the short trip over to Malta where I delivered an evening talk to the Maltese Association of Social Workers. This was a mutually informative evening where I shared information regarding social work in the UK, and learned how my colleagues in Malta work.

With Faraxa Director Joanne Micallef

Book signing with senior lecturer Charles Pace 

Known to Social Services proved very popular!

There is a marked difference in the way the two countries approach the issues within social work, which provoked a lively discussion. Again, the book was in demand, with other social workers bringing existing copies for me to sign.

Many thanks to the organisers for inviting me here.

Wednesday 30^th September

Wednesday saw us up bright an early for an 8am lift to the ferry, which took us back to Gozo for a morning talk at the Oasi Centre in Victoria. Oasi is a non-profit organisation which offers vital help and support to people struggling with addictions of drugs or alcohol.

The audience at Oasi - front seats filled up later!

Speaking to an audience of social workers, counsellors and teachers, as well as members of the public, I firstly addressed the issue of alcohol addiction and its negative impact on children and their families

Using real case examples in the form of genograms, I then spoke on both positive and negative case outcomes in families where drug addiction had been a major factor.

Again, there was relevant discussion and ideas from all parties, with great interest in the book.

This lady bought a copy for her son who is in the UK doing social work

Our dear friends Honor and Manwel get their copy signed

The Guidance Teachers in the Anti-Substance Abuse Service 

Julia Crosthwaite, Director of Jules Gozo Holidays gets her copy

 Kind thanks to the organisers for the invitation.

Please visit http://www.oasi.org.mt/ for more information about the good work carried out by Oasi.

Friday 2^nd October

Friday was a busy day; I was interviewed by Sarah Carabott of the Times of Malta. The article will appear in the paper in the very near future.

With Sarah Carabott of The Times of Malta

Later in the day, we went to the University of Malta where I delivered a talk to students and staff. Using exercises, I tried to demonstrate some of the issues faced by children who have to enter the Care System. I also gave another case example, where an accurate assessment of the presenting risks to the children had been essential to the case.

With Director of Faraxa Books Joanne Micallef and Sarah who helped to organise the event

I am grateful to the organisers for the invitation.

Book signings with students and staff. Here with the Head of the Social Work Department, Maureen Cole

This was a busy but successful week for us. We also had some time to catch up with good friends in Gozo, though we did not get to see as many people as we would have liked.

Waiting for our lift - see the cruise ship in the background

I would like to say a big thank you to my ever supportive husband Steve for all his help, and also to Joanne Micallef, the director of publishers Faraxa who are responsible for putting both books into print. Joanne’s assistance in getting around in both Malta and Gozo was essential to the smooth running of the itinerary, which I am pleased to say, cyclones and storms aside, went without a hitch J

Known to Social Services and Gozo Is the Grass Greener? Are both available via Amazon. They are also available in bookshops in Gozo and Malta or direct from Faraxa.

I am currently working on the sequel to Known to Social Services, which will be about child trafficking.

Freya

Visit to Malta and Gozo

As many of you are aware, we are now living in the South of France, where I am working on another book. I am extremely pleased to report that I have been invited to Malta to delivery several talks in regard to both my books - the bestselling social work book, Known to Social Services and my 2^nd book, Gozo Is the Grass Greener?

So pleased to visit Malta and Gozo to promote both my books, which were published by Faraxa Books 

Itinerary

Monday September 28^th at Lotus tal-Qalb Centre in Gharb, Gozo from 7 – 9pm; I will be giving a talk on both my books and signing books as well – All are welcome

Tuesday 29^th September from 6pm – I will be speaking to the Maltese Association of Social Workers

Wednesday 30^th September at 11am – I am guest speaker at Oasi in Victoria, Gozo - everyone is welcome

Invitation to Oasi - ALL ARE WELCOME











Friday 2^nd October at 12pm – for an interview by The Times of Malta

Friday 2^nd October from 4pm – I will be speaking to social workers and other professionals at The University of Malta

Many thanks to Joanne Micallef, the Director of Faraxa Books, for her hard work in supporting me in this visit and in organising most of the engagements.

I hope to see some of you at the events.

Freya

Share with Care - a cautionary tale about sharing unsolicited material on Facebook

Facebook; love it or loathe it? Come on, be honest, when you turn on your computer, laptop, tablet or phone in a morning, what’s the first thing you log on to? I bet its Facebook.  I’m no different - how we love to see the red alerts, which indicate that people have “liked” what we have had to say, or better still, they made a comment about it, or shared it with others. Best of all is the personal message – we all like to get those and so much easier than email.

For most of us, Facebook is a way to keep in touch with friends and family, and when used appropriately, it’s a great social medium. For others like me, it’s a fantastic platform to promote business or, in my case, my books. For me, Facebook was an absolutely invaluable place to promote and share what was going on in the process of getting published, and I am eternally grateful to all my friends, family and followers who “re-shared” my posts and supported me in making my books successful. 

My debut novel, the bestselling Known to Social Services

My recently released 2nd book

Like everything however, there is a downside to Facebook; take the dozens and dozens of posts that we plough through on a daily basis, often of no interest or particular value to us, but which sidetrack us with their demands on our time and attention as we trawl through. I don't really need to know what the weather is doing on the other side of the world. Neither is it really necessary for me to watch the hundredth video of the day about an amusing cat, dog, horse, hamster, parrot, elephant, piglet (Hands held up - I’m as guilty as anyone for putting those on from time to time) Despite this, we all find ourselves spending what can amount to hours, staring at the screen and then wondering where our day disappeared to!

Funny yes, but a bit to close to the truth for many of us!

I am not a fan of the games available via Facebook, but I have friends who love them. I don’t think though, that everyone realises that when you play a game via Facebook, it redirects you to an unsecure site, which can make you susceptible to being hacked. It can also become highly addictive. I have several friends who closed down their Facebook account for this reason – they became addicted to the games! 

Look familiar?

Yes, Facebook is here to stay, or so it would seem, and most of us, myself included, will continue to enjoy what it has to offer. There is one trend however, which I have noticed creeping in which disturbs me, and I say this with my social worker’s head on.  I have seen a few posts lately, in which the person posting is asking people to re-post and share.  Often I have no idea who these people are, but they get onto my page via friends re-posting. So why am I disturbed? Let me explain.

The last post of this nature concerned a little boy who looked approximately around four years of age. There was a cute picture of said child and a suitably heart rending story to go with it. It went something like this.

“Please help - this little boy is missing and we need your help to locate him. If you have seen this child, please send a me a pm and help reunite him with his family who are missing him”

Yep, that was it – so why the worry? Surely we should all rush to re-post that one, right?

Sad stories tug at our heartstrings, but wait ..... what's the REAL story?

Well, as I said, I had my social work head on, when I read it, which raised my suspicions about the post. Why was the child not named? Why were we not told where he had gone missing from or what he was wearing at the time? Why were the circumstances of his so called “disappearance” not shared? Why was there nothing on the news about him?

Having worked as a child protection social worker, I am sadly all too familiar with the necessity of removing children from their families for reasons of safety.  I am also all too aware of the (understandable) lengths parents will go to, to try and track down their children, and using social media is a favourite. My concern is, that the child in the photograph may well have been a child who was removed from his family for good reason. The child may well be in a foster placement, many miles from his original home. By using Facebook and telling a story similar to the one above, is a perfect way to glean information about the child’s potential whereabouts.

I have had to move children more than once, due to exactly this scenario. Parents have managed to track down their child through Facebook, and believe me, it does not end well for anyone, least of all the child.

I have known foster carers who have had angry and hostile parents at their door at all hours of the night, demanding that they hand over their child – the child who they traced via social media. Not good.

Here is a link to an excellent article in the Guardian more than 5 years ago - yes, it was happening then;

http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2010/may/23/birth-parents-stalk-adopted-facebook

Another scenario is where a child is deemed to be safe with one parent but not the other. Let’s say that the mother has been a victim of serious domestic violence and the court has awarded her custody of the child, but denied the aggressor any visiting rights. The mother flees to start a new life, but the aggrieved and violent father traces the child using social media and in such a case, the results can be truly catastrophic.

The final scenario, which was of great concern, was a post about a beautiful young woman who was reported to have been killed overseas. The person posting the tale, said she was a close friend of the victims and accused the woman’s boyfriend of her murder. She asked for help in tracking him down and pleased with us to re-share the post. Again, there was no possible way of knowing if it was even true.  I Googled the story and found no news reports on it whatsoever; no mention of the so called murdered victim and yet ........... the story had over 150,000 shares!  

Facebook can be a wonderful way to maintain long distance relationships, share family photos and much more. However, please accept this word of caution and be very selective in what you share. Read the small print and ask yourself why this post is on Facebook and what exactly is it asking; more importantly who is asking and why?

Post Script

I am grateful to one of my social work colleagues for bringing her excellent blog to my attention. The same subject matter was discussed in this blog in June of this year, and can be read by following the link below.

http://barefootsocialwork.weebly.com/blog/the-dangers-of-social-media-for-missing-children 

Freya

Into The Bear Cave!

Part of this blog is an extract from my new book, Gozo Is the Grass Greener? 

www.gozoisthegrassgreener.blogspot.com 

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Living with a partner who suffers from bipolar disorder can be a bit like following an angry bear into a cave and then poking it with a stick!

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And yes, I speak from experience.

My husband Steve suffers from bipolar disorder, and while for the great majority of the time, he is able to live a fairly balanced life, there are times, when it gets the better of him. The past fortnight is a case in point and has, shall we say, been ……. Interesting.

Bipolar disorder is also sometimes known as manic depression and for good reason. On a “down” day, sufferers might be depressed to the point of suicide, or just quiet and subdued; on an “up” day, they can be manic, irrational and spontaneous to the point of being ridiculous.

The story of how Steve and I met is covered in detail in my new book, Gozo Is the Grass Greener? For a while, like other people in love, we lived in a bubble; oblivious to anything else, with all our energy going into our new and exciting relationship. Steve was highly attentive, loving, considerate and kind. He was also, unbeknown to me, extremely mentally unwell.  He was, in short, a ticking time bomb on countdown to self-destruction.

Steve on a good day

I was oblivious to this, and had no idea that the man I had fallen in love with was labouring under such a huge burden. He had told me that he "could be moody", but to be honest, I was so in love with the man, he could have said, “By the way, I’m a serial killer” and I’d have smiled and said, “That’s not going to be a problem”.

In the past, Steve had days so dark, that he would wake up in the mornings and wish to die. He seriously contemplated taking his own life, but in reality, I simply don’t think he had the energy. He had no control over his thoughts; they were a never ending intrusion on his mind and wore him down, sending him into the shadows of obscurity and loneliness.  His depression was like a snake winding itself round his heart and soul and strangling the life out of him.  

Whilst Steve’s suffering was terrible and painful, depression also has a devastating impact on the person who is in the caring role. To watch someone you love, struggle to come to terms with their inner demons and be defeated over and over again is almost too much to bear. To watch, as they are overwhelmed and crushed by something, which is out of their control is totally draining. I developed a raging resentment and anger towards the illness that is depression and saw it as the enemy in our midst. 

To understand your adversary gives you more power in overcoming it and having victory. With that in mind, I spent a long time researching Steve’s condition, and began to understand more about it. I finally came to a place of accepting that Steve could not help how he responded, and had no dominion whatsoever over his mood. He simply could not “cheer up” at will. 

After enjoying a fairly stable period of time, Steve’s depression crept up on him again 2 weeks ago. As is often the case, there was no particular reason for it. However, I could see it reflected in his eyes, which give him away by becoming flat, dark and angry. Having learned to recognise the signs and symptoms of a depressive episode, I galvanised myself for a few bumpy days. I knew from experience that Steve would withdraw, not eat properly and have difficulty sleeping, or, sleep all the time.

One of the worst thing you can do to a depressed person is to tell them to pull themselves together, or worse still, tell them to be thankful for what they have and draw some irrelevant comparison. Depression is no respecter of persons. In fact, it’s a disrespectful sonofabitch full stop. You can have all the money and fame in the world and still be depressed. It has nothing whatsoever to do with material things.

One of the problems for me is that I am a trained and qualified social worker. I am supposed to possess skills, which enable me to deal with such crises, to take them in my stride. I can tell you that this is not the case, which only serves to add to my feelings of inadequacy.  To feel the cold wind of indifference blowing around you, replacing the love that used to occupy that space is excruciating.  One minute your partner is loving and attentive, and the next, brooding and resentful. Steve has tried to explain to me many times that it is NOTHING to do with me, but it is hard to accept this, when it feels as if it is directed at you. I suffer agonies of soul searching, trying to identify what I might have done to cause his low mood, when deep down, I know it really isn’t me, it’s the nature of depression.

I feel I should handle it better; maybe not get so down myself when a depressive attack strikes, but those of you who know what I’m talking about, will also know how hard it is to separate yourself from the illness. 

And so into the bear cave.

Steve on a bad day!

Steve’s depression was lasting longer than usual. I had tried in vain to identify an easy solution, because there wasn’t one. He had withdrawn into the bear cave, but I got to the point where I felt angry. Not angry with Steve, but angry with his condition for robbing us both of the happiness we should be enjoying. Once I had reached this point, I knew I could approach Steve calmly and objectively. I took my stick (not literally you understand) and marched into that bear cave. No response, so I poked him repeatedly until I got a response, and believe me, it wasn’t a good one!

I knew I had provoked a reaction, and despite it being a negative one, more anger was better than the indifferent apathy, which had overwhelmed him. Over the 2 week period, Steve had continually denied that he was depressed, citing tiredness, and other reasons for him being withdrawn.  I kept on prodding until he reached a point where he was able to accept that he was indeed depressed – more so than he had realised.  Now, let me say this; it is not always productive to poke an angry bear! In this case, it was the right approach, but on another occasion, I might avoid such action. If you are caring for, or living with someone with bipolar disorder, you must understand that what works one day, will not necessarily work another day, or for that matter, ever again.

I feel I have to be creative in supporting Steve, knowing when to be quiet and let him be, and knowing equally when to take a stick, follow him into his cave and poke him.

I wish that all of you who suffer from this debilitating condition find a way of getting a handle on it. For those of you who are in a caring role, I would say this; make it your business to know as much as possible about bipolar disorder.  Do not resort to saying, “Oh I give up” when your loved one leaves for the bear cave. Remember, no matter how bad it feels it is NOT personal. Your partner, friend, or relative, needs unconditional love and support through their darkest hour, and you may be the only person who is able to give it to them.

For us, this episode thankfully ended with Steve talking openly about how he felt and us both identifying new strategies, which might help us the next time ....... and let's not kid ourselves, there will be a next time. 

I will leave you with the wise words of Sun Tzu, who was a 6^th Century General and Military Strategist.

If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperilled in a hundred battles ……. If you do not know your enemies, nor yourself, you will be imperilled in every single battle.

The issue of bipolar disorder and its effect on Steve and I is examined in a chapter of my 2^nd novel, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? It is available via Amazon as a paperback or Kindle download along with my debut novel, Known to Social Services – www.knowntosocialservices.com

Both books are published by Faraxa Books.

Freya