Sticks and Stones

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

It’s a comment we have all heard or made at some time in our lives.

Sometimes however, our opinions lean more towards judgement or criticism …………………………………...

No one likes to be criticised. Being critical however, is as much a part of our psyche as breathing, and we are all guilty of it at some time or another. For people in the public eye, it’s worse. Take the TV show, “Britain’s Got Talent” for example; I don’t watch this, but from what I’ve heard, it turns even the mildest mannered person into an expert arm chair critic. Opinions are freely given and obviously, their son/daughter/second cousin twice removed could do better. 

Of course, in this context, it is nothing more than a bit of harmless fun, and the people involved can’t hear what’s being said. However, there are many places where people’s opinions cause hurt and confusion, and that is quite another matter.

Last night, I was searching for some information regarding a certain diet (I blame the French bread and the all-too-delicious-soft-cheese). I discovered a forum, which I thought might offer some useful information. However, my interest turned to shock as I read some of the comments therein. It seemed that some people had joined the forum, not to discuss diets or healthy eating, but to use it as a platform for their unwelcome opinions. One man in particular, seemed to be the commander in chief of unpleasant remarks. He was quick to point out that “he was not overweight”, but then posted multiple derogatory comments in regard to people who were.

The comments he made were not only downright rude, but breathtakingly arrogant and at times abusive. Clearly the man had issues. Of course, his diatribe provoked several angry responses, which only served to throw fuel on the fire, and so the arguments were prolonged and wasted pages and pages of space.

I left the forum without one useful piece of information, and with a feeling of huge sadness. Why do some among us, feel the need to criticise other people so harshly, often people we have never even met? Yes, we ARE all entitled to an opinion, and I am in favour of free speech, but this ……….. L

Facebook is another classic example. Visit any group, whether it’s a buying and selling site, a cookery site, or a dog lover’s forum. You will quickly identify the protagonists. You know they type of person I mean. They are the ones, who feel the need to comment on everybody else’s posts. They know everything, and make corrections freely; oh and God forbid if you should spell something wrong. You could be forgiven for thinking they were the site administrator! Their opinion is the only correct one, and you are left demoralised and wondering if it’s even worth being part of the group.

A good friend of mine said recently, “Some people would argue with their own reflection”. True.

So why am I telling you this? Well, as someone who has made a new career as an author, I find I am (more than ever) the subject of people’s opinions, or more to the point my books are. My debut novel, Known to Social Services was the number one social work book on Amazon UK – a fantastic achievement, and one, which took me completely by surprise.  I have had some extremely positive and encouraging reviews, and of course, some not so positive. This is to be expected, but the real test for me was dealing with critical comments.

Woohoo, my book went to #1 in the social work book category

Anyone can post a review on Amazon, Goodreads, or on any other literary forum.  Authors have no control over the reviews, and even if you suspect it is someone you know who is “out to get you” so to speak, there is nothing you can do about it. The temptation to respond however, is almost overwhelming.

People who make unkind or abusive comments on the internet are commonly known as “trolls”. Another very wise friend of mine and fellow author (thanks cowboy) gave me an invaluable piece of advice, he said, Freya, “Never, ever talk to the trolls”.

Don't talk to the trolls 

I took this advice to heart and accept that everyone IS entitled to their own opinion, and even if it is one I don’t agree with, I can simply acknowledge that it is their opinion and move on with my day. I do not need to get into a debate with them, as this rarely ends well, as my brief foray onto the diet forum has demonstrated.

I overcome the critical comments, which I am happy to report are in the minority by focusing on the positives. My husband Steve, ever my champion, asked me a few days ago, “How does it feel to know that someone, somewhere is reading your book”. His question made me reflect on some of the great feedback I have had from the people who have read and enjoyed it.

So many positive experiences, like this one at BBC Radio Lincolnshire with Melvyn Prior

Known to Social Services was written for many reasons. One of the reasons was to raise the profile of social workers, and to make people aware of how difficult a job it is. Some of my most rewarding comments have been from student social workers, for example, this one from N.A.

Gripping book; would definitely recommend. As a social work student this book gave a fantastic insight of social work practice in child protection!! I'm hoping there will be another instalment (Source; Amazon UK)

To know that my writing made a positive difference to someone who is making social work her career was a wonderful feeling.

Or, the one from the lady who hooked up with me via Twitter and said,

Travelled through France last April started your book in the French Alps. Finished it by Calais. Great read (SJ)

Just thinking about this lady reading my book on her holiday travels, left me content and smiling.

Criticism, can be valuable, if it is constructive, kindly delivered and genuinely meant. Anything other than this is not worth giving your time to.

We will always have the nay sayers among us, but we don’t have to listen to them.

I hope those of you who have been the victims of criticism in your lives, can find a way to overcome, and focus on the positives.

Remember …….don’t talk to the trolls, and never, EVER, feed them J

Known to Social Services is available via Amazon as a paperback or Kindle download.

My debut novel

My 2^nd novel, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? Will be available in July.

Both books are published by Faraxa Books.

Freya 

Fair Exchange?

As many of you are aware, I am a qualified social worker. During my career, I specialised in child protection, which is an extremely stressful environment to work in for any length of time. 

In 2013, with the support of my husband Steve, I decided to take a year out of social work to write my debut novel, Known to Social Services, which was published by Faraxa Books in February this year. The decision was not taken lightly, but, I am happy to report, it worked out as planned. At the time Steve and I lived in Gozo, but have more recently moved to the Midi-Pyrenean region of France. As I explained in my last blog, we are here to offer practical support with DIY (Steve) and horses (me) in exchange for living in a delightful little cottage in the middle of nowhere. It also gives me space and time to continue writing.  So the “year” I was taking out of social work, seems to be creeping up to 2 years J

Our lovely cottage, complete with regular visitor, Grolsch the German Shepherd







As I walked down to the horses this morning in the warm sunshine, I realised that it was precisely 8am. If I were still working as a social worker, I would, by now, be at my desk in an office. Usually, an office that had inadequate heat and ventilation, which resulted in volcanic temperatures in summer, and freezing cold in winter.

I would be on my 2^nd cup of coffee and no doubt my 43^rd email. I would already be feeling the stress of the day ahead, and wondering how I would fit in, all the visits, write the reports and make time to read the electronic files on the 6 new cases I had been given yesterday.

There would be meetings to organise, others to attend, and a host of other things to be done before the clock said 5pm and the office officially closed for the day. Then, I would remain at work until around 7pm catching up on all the things, which did not get done during working hours. It would not be unusual for the cleaners to throw me out! In social work you must expect the unexpected; the children who go missing, the husband who beats his wife to the point of hospitalisation, leaving their children requiring foster care. The child who cannot go home from school; as today is the day they managed to pluck up the courage to tell a teacher what is really going on at home. One of a hundred things can intrude on an already impossibly busy day, to the point that you realise there will never be enough hours, hence the late night working.

Walking down the grassy lane to the horses, I realised that I have made some exceedingly positive adjustments in my life. I have exchanged dodging traffic jams for dodging the spider’s webs as they tremble in the hedges and trees. I have swopped the hours I spent staring at a computer screen, or dashing around making visits, for time spent feeding, grooming and riding the horses.  

Down the lane to the horses









I have uninterrupted time to think and to write and to appreciate what we have, which is much. While we miss all our friends in Gozo and our families elsewhere, we feel we are in exactly the right place.

Sunshine through the trees







There are of course other changes, which on the surface, may not seem so wise. I gave up a good income and the economic stability, which accompanies it, to embark on this new life and at times I will admit, I feel a slight panic in this regard. However, on reflection, all the clichés that we hear, and quote to one another have never seemed more apt.

-      Life is too short

-      You only live once

-      There’s no substitute for your health

-      If not now, then when?

-      It’s not worth the stress

When I left social work, I had a few comments from my colleagues, which in essence, took one of two views …..

-      It’s alright for some
- Good for you

My answer remains the same now as it did then. It all comes down to choices. We all have choices, though they often involve taking risks.

I can recall being told at 4 years of age that I was a “risk taker”. I had no idea what it meant at the time but I had apparently been on a high slide, which my older brother declined to go on.

Having taken the risk to leave a well paid job, move overseas and try my hand as an author, I can say with absolute honesty; I have no regrets whatsoever. How about you?

No regrets in moving here









Now, where’s my croissant J

Freya

NEW book, ..... Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? ...... coming soon.

I am sat outside reading my book, when I pause and just listen. There is a peace I have not known for several years.  All I can hear in the warm Midi-Pyrenean sunshine is the drowsy buzzing of the ever-industrious bees, and the song of a bird, as yet unidentified. Blossoms drift by me like snowflakes, landing softly as if to remind me of their gentleness in passing. Not since I lived in the Derbyshire Peak District, have I felt such an affinity with nature and the countryside and I close my eyes and appreciate it, drinking it in like a fine wine.

The view from the top of our drive

Overhead a buzzard soars lazily on the hot currents of air, which dispense with any need for him to flap his wings. A flash of blue, betrays the jay, which lands in the cherry tree across the lane and begins to pick off the ripening fruit, before anyone else has a chance to taste it. There is a surprise visit from a normally nocturnal bat, flitting uncharacteristically in and out of the garage in broad daylight. I duck instinctively as he flies noiselessly past me; I would not react well were he to become entangled in my hair!

Sat on the stoop in France in my turn up jeans, which for some reason, Steve finds amusing!










You may be aware that up until May 2015, Steve and I lived on the beautiful Mediterranean island of Gozo, which is part of the Maltese archipelago. We lived here for more than four happy years and made many lifelong friends there. Our decision to leave Gozo was not taken lightly and when the day of our departure finally arrived, I found myself wanting to cling to the familiarity of it; to change my mind and stay. However, we knew that there were new adventures awaiting us, and so with heavy hearts, we said our goodbyes. We were leaving all the richer, with a store of wonderful memories embedded in our souls. Many of our dear friends came to the Gozo ferry to wave us off, or to make the 25 minute journey to Malta with us one last time. Unsurprisingly, there were copious tears and great sadness mixed with the joy we had known in living here. 

It was not easy leaving this behind - me in Gozo

Steve and I are now living about an hour North of Toulouse, nestled in a tiny hamlet between the towns of Moissac and Valence D’Agen. We have come here with a dual purpose; several months ago, I responded to a request for support via a housesitting website. Help was needed with six horses, and also with DIY around the place. With my background of equestrianism, and Steve’s unarguable skill with all things practical, it seemed ideal. As a bonus, there are three lovely dogs and a handful of chickens! Our new friends, Polly and Howard are a British couple who have embraced the French way of life here for over 20 years. We are delighted to be here in such a mutually beneficially exchange.  Polly is a supplier of the super comfortable “Trekker” saddles and Howard is in demand as a bare foot horse trimmer.

Me riding "Bear" in a fabulous Trekker Saddle

Steve's DIY project, or should I say life's work! Converting the barn

Steve and I have our own delightful little cottage, which will serve us well as a base, from which to explore France, and also to fulfil the second part of our reason for being here, which is to write.

Our lovely cottage

Overlooking the river in Auvillar

And of course, there is always time for coffee 

Life has been somewhat of a whirlwind since my debut novel, Known to Social Services, was released in February this year. The book became the number one social work book on Amazon UK within two days of its release and the publishers, Faraxa Books, and I worked hard on promoting it; organising book signings, radio interviews, visits to UK Universities and more. It has been and continues to be, an exciting time and I remain grateful to all our friends and family who have been so encouraging and supportive. However, as any author will tell you, more books need to follow, and so to France.

My successful debut novel, Known to Social Services, published by Faraxa Books

We now feel in the ideal place for me to continue writing the sequel to Known to Social Services, which, I am very happy to report, is being requested regularly. I know I shall have to be very self-disciplined in working on the sequel, as it would be too easy to settle into this laid back lifestyle, and do nothing more than ride the horses, fuss the dogs and eat baguettes with good French cheese!

This is Grolsch, our regular house guest ..... nothing to do with the food of course

Steve searching for his lost euro in Lauzerte

GREAT NEWS .... NEW BOOK
However, the great news is, that before I can settle down to work in earnest on my sequel, I have another book of a different kind, due for release in July 2015. When Steve and I moved to Gozo from the UK, I recorded our exploits as a blog. After receiving great encouragement from people all around the world who had read it, I decided to shape it into a book.  As with my debut novel, I had the support of Faraxa Books in publishing the work. You will be able to read all about our reasons for leaving the UK and discover why we chose Gozo – which if I’m totally honest, I lived in ignorance of, prior to 2008.

Beautiful Gozo








The book is entitled, Gozo; Is the Grass Greener?

The book asks the question, “Is the Grass Greener?” not only in relation to our move to another country, but also in our relationship with each other. Steve and I have both been married before and I take time to reflect on this, and on how we met, within the narrative. For dog lovers, there are many anecdotes in regard to our 2 wonderful and now sadly missed lurchers, Ollie and Ralph. Add to this, may tales of our lives in Gozo, and you have a book which I am confident will have wide appeal for many people. I have aimed to strike a balance between what I hope is some, laugh out loud humour, and more sombre stories – and I warn you ……. you may need your hankie for one or two of them!

Our lovely lurchers, Ollie and Ralph







I am very pleased to report that the talented Michael Martin illustrated the book cover. Working from an abstract idea, which I had in mind, Michael has captured exactly the scenario I envisioned for the book cover, and I cannot wait to unveil it J Michael is currently, the illustrator of Alex Graham’s Fred Basset cartoons, which I read avidly as a child.

I will, of course, continue to promote Known to Social Services, and I am delighted to report that on a recent visit to a lovely couple who had some items of interest for sale, I was able to sign the lady’s newly purchased copy of Known to Social Services. The first signed copy in France to my knowledge!

In the beautiful sunshine of France with Hazel and her signed copy of Known to Social Services.

Gozo; Is the Grass Greener? Will be available in July 2015 and is published by Faraxa Books.

Freya